I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
