i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
