Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
