Everything about him screamed your future.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
