we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
