I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
