Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
