I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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