i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
