threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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