walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
