9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
