so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
