Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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