going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
