Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
