Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
