I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
