I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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