I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
