I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
