just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
