Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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