OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize