I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
