Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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