FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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