That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
