theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
