He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I did not marry a roomba.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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