Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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