i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
