That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
