its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
