whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
