just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't make out with my wife yet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
