I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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