mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
