fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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