Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
