Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
