Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
