just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize