my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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