I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
