please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
