you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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