I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
