I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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