I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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