hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize