Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
