i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
