My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
