She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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