If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
