Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
