She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
