I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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