the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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