I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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