make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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