I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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