the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
