Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
