We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
