I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
