who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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